Another rally for the holidays

Oh god, this year. I’m so infinitely glad its over. Nearly. The academics are done, the grades are in and there is no more I have to do. At least, for Albion College transcript-related crap. In case this is the only way you hear about me, I got a 2.7 in Organic Chemistry and a 3.7 in The Quantum Enigma (my last Honors class), 4.0s in Genetics and Neuropsychopharmacology. The B- in Chem hurt my cumulative, and caused me incalculable amounts of stress over the last two weeks of the semester. I was completely out of touch with the world at that point, finally conversations with my mother and a friend who is currently in grad school forced me to get my head straight. I am not pre-med. I do not have to achieve the grades that they do in my classes, instead I am expected to do outstanding research as an undergrad and spend my summers doing more of the same. Its different, its more balanced, it has a very different end point. Right. I believe this. I strive to live a balanced lifestyle…unfortunately that means that when I get stressed and my overachieving/perfectionistic side comes out I try to be super-woman. To get outstanding grades, have fabulous research done, be an active member of my sorority, workout, eat well, look hot, date, and maintain friendships.  Yikes, right?! Really, that’s insane, there just aren’t enough hours in the day. So things end up falling of the plate, like hours that would have ensured a 3.0 or higher in Chem. They got replaced with sleep, conversations with people I love, lab meetings…and other valid alternatives to memorizing reaction mechanisms.

Anyway, I survived academically and forced myself to refocus. Good. Now for the interpersonal life…augh. I’m not one for looking dumb, being the girl who likes the boy more than he likes her… When I find myself in that situations these days I react strongly. This time around it was strange, I’m still not sure I understand what happened. We hadn’t really talked about our feelings for each other all semester, but the things that were said and the resulting warm fuzzy feelings just built up into really caring about the person. I didn’t want a relationship, I was quite content just to have this person in my life the way they were, no titles just caring and understanding. Then things got weird, and I’m not sure exactly how. I guess whether or not we would officially date got brought up…not sure how that happened. The term “friend” had been used a lot in the recent emails and conversations, it was starting to seem like we were going to actually define what we had going. Yikes. That evening of conversation actually ended well, me feeling like I wasn’t wasting my time and like I could continue caring about this person without feeling foolish. Then…the next few days happened. And it seemed like things had changed, emotional distance had come in with all the behavior quirks. Starting to get very worried that something was up and that this was going to be a permanent change..but without really want to talk deeply about all THAT, on Tuesday I said that I needed to be more passive in our relationship. Let the other one do the calling, and I will just respond. That was fine, and things were peaceful for a few days. Lets just say that right now things are messy, I was bitchy, and I don’t know if I’ll hear from this person for a while. I hope hope hope that its not the end of us, I will reallllly miss our conversations.

On to the rallying part of this business!!!

My plans for break are simple…set goals and achieve them!

•  Body – get down to 125-127lbs (that’s only 6-7lbs, don’t worry), and gain muscle
  • I’ll get myself a haircut when I get under 13o, and a pedicure when I hit my goal weight
  • I’m going to the YMCA daily and alternating between 30min of cardio + weights and 45 minutes of swimming
    • Hitting the sauna and hot tub really help make that a lovely way to spend my mornings!
• Financial – pay off my debts before Christmas (I have some checks to send), do thoughtful but not bank breaking gifts, and store up some cash after Christmas to help defray the costs of next semester
  • J.Crew has screwed me over on hours (I’m not working at all until at least the 22nd ), hence the not spending a ton on gifts this year
• Research- to meet with Tammy over break and get ready for the next semester by staining tissue that we’ll be using, also I’ll be trying to get a proposal and ACACUC form ready for the circadian disturbance and pregnancy project
  • That will coincide nicely with moving to Dean, I’ll do that while I’m in Albion
• Next summer – pick which programs I want to apply to, send emails about letters of recommendation as well as talk to potential mentors, and write as many essays as I can before the semester starts
  • LOTS to do!!! I’ve got a good list going of potential places to apply though, and I’ve done this all before
• Kappa Delta – get fully acquainted with the office of VPO and have my binders ready to be presented at the first meeting of the semester
  • Basically I want to rock at this position and I’ve got to get started on that now if I want it to happen
• I think thats it…!

~ by touristortransplant on December 15, 2007.